Archive for September, 2013

I Want to Be My Best
September 12, 2013

For those that don’t know that’s actually a quote from the brilliant but short lived series Dollhouse. It’s something the characters say whenever they are in their doll state. While the comment is almost supposed to be one that creates pity in the watcher, I have to think about the basic concept.
Am I being my best on a daily basis. This doesn’t refer to being the best at any/every element you participate in but more of the idea that you gave it your all. That you put forth the effort, and when you close your eyes at night you can say that you gave it your bet shot.
This is a daunting and exhausting premise when you think about it. Granted I don’t take it to the extreme of did I stretch in bed, or make coffee to the best of my ability but as I’ve gotten older I do tend to think about if I’m making the most of the time that I have. In that moment, if I am given a moment of reflection, will I be at peace or will those final seconds be filled with regrets or memories of what could have been.
I think anyone can relate to this concern and there are moments that we all wish we could hit the rewind button. Usually they involve awkward social encounters, times when your mind overtook your body and when you needed to act but you were paralyzed by all of the potential outcomes that your mind lay before you. For me it’s pretty much anytime a boy was present.
In my current state of unemployment I’ve been given an opportunity that most people dream of. “If I had more time…” is a common complaint by the general population and I have been given that gift. I’m in a comfortable enough financial state, not buying ferrari’s or popping over to Venice (California or Italy) on a whim but not the the point where I’m living by candlelight and eating only Ramen. 
So what am I doing with this never-ending sense of options? Well I’m sleeping in, and sometimes I do the dishes or cook something new. Reading a bit more but not really enough based on the amount of free time.And thats about it.
I am currently living a life without the room for excuses and I’m squandering it. I can work out for 3 hours a day and cook or juice for just as long and still have plenty of time. Hell, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory had made ponchos for his entire extended family by day 3 and I haven’t even started a scarf. 
Perhaps it’s easier to create lofty life plan/goal for yourself when you know you have an end date in mind. For instance, the second you get a new job that starts in 2 weeks, those 14 days are the most precious and glorious days of your life. But without that threat of monotony there isn’t that sense of urgency. If I don’t get the laundry done, or go white water rafting today, I can always go tomorrow or the next day. 
So how do I instill that sense of urgency into my current life despite outside forces providing one? Create one or be given one. I sincerely hope you create one for yourself because the latter is unfortunately less enjoyable but more persuasive. When someone most beloved to you is given a timetable, much shorter than anyone deserves, they are forced to reevaluate their life; and so will you. 
If an opportunity for something you love presents itself. Don’t ignore it. That opportunity is a gift that may not present itself in the future. Don’t let that be something you regret not doing. 
I got this tattoo to remind myself when I was afraid of trying new things to just go for it. I never thought I would need the reminder for when I was lazy but glad it’s still relevant…ya know cause it’s permanent and everything.