Archive for November, 2012

Casual Cute
November 30, 2012

This is a concept that I thought I had a basic understanding of. It’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans but still making it sexy instead of schleppy. With that said I’m in shock with just how much effort I have to put into this style and just how far off base I’ve been.

We had a Thursday night game so I got to see my Sunday morning crew in the evening and to top it off I came straight from a client invaded work day so I actually looked like a grown up. The response was surprising/intriguing from the guys who I thought had seen me as a little sister, best buddy who just happened to have boobs sort of way.

Not anymore.

And the part that I found interesting is that I changed into “comfy” clothes at the bar. I was still rocking jeans, t-shirt but with my put together hair and makeup. Suddenly I was visible, hell maybe even viable.  When they saw me walk in they gave me this shocked look like “holy shit did you know Jen was a chick?” which might have offended me but honestly I wear yoga pants and jerseys so I can understand the confusion.

Only time will tell but I’ll be testing this new, slightly shinier version of myself over the next few weekends to gauge a response.

As for the effort, obviously any will be more than none so that will take some getting used to.

This lip gloss smells delicious and provides a nice tint that says I’m alive so that’s a bonus.

The hair for some reason doesn’t annoy me when it’s curly. While I’m normally twirling it around a finger or just generally playing with it when it’s straightened I haven’t even touched it and it’s a relief to not have to worry about it. Did it fall flat? Is it parted weird? Did the rubber band leave a kink in it from one of the 700 times I decided to put it up then immediately put it back down? All these concerns are gone. And while there isn’t any workplace prospects it’s been a bit fun testing out different options to see their reactions. With an 85% male population I would be a fool not to survey their opinions.

So confession time…I was schleppy. I was the girl equivalent to George from Seinfeld wearing sweatpants. I was sending out the message that I don’t care and that I don’t think I’m worth the effort so don’t even bother looking at me.

Times change and I’m on a deadline. So getting up an extra 20 minutes to look not dead is just the sacrifice I’m going to have to make.

Advertisements

The Perfect Date
November 8, 2012

I didn’t do a lot of actual dating in high school or college. I enjoyed the fun makeout/hook up sessions but never wanted to be tied down (teehee yeah I’m super mature) with a full blown relationship. I knew I was going to be leaving the Midwest as soon as the graduation ceremony was over and would be out in Lalaland starting my “real” life.

Being a dating rookie out here probably wasn’t the greatest plan.

I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself. I’ve always been a perfectionist and while that helped me with class work it wasn’t very productive when on a date. I wasn’t expecting a Rom-Com perfect date where my leg pops when we kiss at the door and I swoon knowing that he’s “the” guy. In fact when it came to his characteristics I was always able to look at the sunnier side of the situation.

So he has two kids under the age of three from different moms. That just means he probably doesn’t want anymore so I don’t have to go through that yucky labor mess thing.

So he thinks it’s better to work 5 part time jobs to pursue his acting career despite the fact that all of the jobs eliminate any time to audition. Got to love his passion and drive for what he loves.

The list goes on and on and then on some more.

Sadly, I was not so kind to myself. Every simple question would send me into a tailspin of panic over giving the “correct” answer. The basics like what movies/music/books/food do I like were dependent on the answer that I felt was most likely to win me the second or third date not necessarily the truthful one.

The date wasn’t “perfect” until I had become his version of perfect.

Obviously this is a flawed system that I regret I wasted more than a few years trying to achieve. To make matters worse it completely took the fun out of dating! I was exhausted and in the end rarely even liked these guys when I really thought about it. So I pretty much just stopped dating altogether.

After countless late night phone calls and gchat sessions with friends who were out in the dating scene and talking a few of them off the “Screw it I’ll just get 6 cats and take up knitting” ledge I realized I had been telling them the advice I needed so dearly in my own life.

There is no wrong answer because it’s NEVER wrong to be you!

There are a million tiny reasons why a relationship can work out and a million tiny reasons why it can fail and it’s impossible to try to think that you can outsmart each other because you just end up miserable, lost, not recognizing who you are or what you’ve become for the sake of this supposedly “perfect” relationship.

Did he not return your call because you said that you’ve been to 5 Blink 182 concerts?

Did you get voted off the dating island because of your affinity for Kevin Smith movies?

In the end it really doesn’t matter because you two weren’t right for each other, and if you were he didn’t give it the time to see if you could be.

And not to go all “mom” on ya but that is absolutely his loss!

So go get your date on and have fun with it because the REAL Perfect guy, is the one who likes the REAL you.