Swooper Situation

You set the scene and it plays out exactly as you planned. Really it’s an expert example of your engineering (aka memory) but the truth is you desperately hoped to prove yourself wrong. Too bad your experience has taught you that a+b always equals c. And that’s the problem.

I’ve mentioned in past posts about the definition of insanity and how it keeps popping up in my life. Well here’s another one.

I’m suffering from a Swooper situation.

I think every girl has experienced this breed of female and in a lot of ways its how female friendships get a bad rep and where cat fights originate. For whatever reason, be it jealousy, a competitive streak, boredom, some underlying emotional wound/trauma, this girl wants to win “the” guy, and the way she knows its “the” guy she wants is when you verbalize that you want him. You start to talk to a guy and things are going great maybe getting a little flirting in there for good measure and her spidey senses begin to tingle. In my case she admitted half the time she isn’t in fact actually attracted to him right off the bat but the fact that I have expressed interest means he must be worth the effort on her part.

And so it goes. Maybe I go to the bathroom, maybe I go to the bar and maybe I literally take a single step backwards and she swoops.

Within minutes, but never longer than an hour she has staked his claim and said gentleman is either making out with her or actually on top of her. Game over she wins.

Except the thing about the whole game concept is…it takes two players.

When this happens, and it’s been frequent enough for me to know my own pattern… I shut down. I don’t want to battle over a dude. It’s cheesy and pathetic and for someone with lower self esteem incredibly scary.

And she knows this about me because we’re best friends.

She knows that I’m the easy target for the dodgeball game of flirting and dating. She will always win because I walk off the court.

In the beginning I thought this would lessen the skill involved, maybe if I played dead long enough she would find a more worthy opponent. Sadly I’ve learned that isn’t ever going to be the case. Because when the chips are down; you hate your job, you have no money, no romantic prospects, and minimal friends you take one of the few opportunities you have left to feel dominant.

This is just plain shitty to do to anyone.

Yet I know that I’ve let myself be the victim and that’s my problem. I’ve allowed this behavior to go on and even cracked jokes to lessen the pain. I’m unhappy with this and so it’s up for me to fix it. I can’t change her behavior or her treatment of me but I need to change the way I treat myself.

This is no longer an acceptable relationship so it needs to either evolve or end. Image


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