Breaking up with Peter Pan

I think this is a pretty great epiphany and might be the clue to at least a part of my romantic troubles.

I’m in love with Peter Pan.

For the longest time I’ve been under the impression that I don’t have a type. Short/tall, fat/skinny, (granted I can’t recall ever going for a baldy so I guess that’s one element that has remained fixed) I didn’t care what their bank balance was or what car they drove or if they were religious or political.

The common denominator is that I keep going for a certain age bracket.

Not Hugh Hefner old but definitely about 10+ years older. And while I swore going for that demographic was unintentional I think I’ve just realized I have been drawing them in. I like the idea that the guy is older and therefore wiser and more established. To top it off I like the older guys who still maintain that sense of humor and adventure and whimsy.

Sounds like a pretty great catch right?

Except it’s not real!

I was watching a trailer for a film called “Liberal Arts” with Josh Radnor and Elizabeth Olsen and a line really stuck with me. Talking about why their relationship works he says, “I can’t figure out if it’s because you’re advanced or I’m stunted” and she replies “I’m advanced”. I’ve been thinking I’m just so mature that is why I can hang with these guys. From a very young age my friends and family told me I was an “old soul” and I think I let that idea cloud my opinion of not only myself but also the sort of man an “old soul” would be with.

The problem with Josh Radnor’s question is that it isn’t an either/or situation.

The answer is both and there lies the dilemma.

While talking to guys in their late 30’s early 40’s that are still dating and having sex for sport it hit me. Why is it ok, or even desirable to me for a guy to behave this way when the idea of me being that age and acting that way is repulsive and pathetic?

To compound the problem I moved to a place that actually rewards and promotes this type of relationship. Dating a girl 5 years younger is great but you’ll get high fives and a parade if you’re banging a chick 15 years younger. Directors, writers, producers are hot shit (in their own minds anyways)and the young ingénue who desperately want an “in” to the movie biz will do whatever it takes to get that role, even if that means squeezing that wrinkly ass of his mid thrust. And those guys aren’t always particularly attractive or entertaining, just powerful. So the non powerful guys who are attractive (although I’ve noticed even the unattractive unsuccessful ones still think pretty highly of themselves) see this example and say hell yeah I not only can do that but I should do that. Is that the Hollywood dream that exists today?

The harsh truth is I’ve been judging the younger guys unfairly. They’re doing the same thing as the old guys but for some reason I’ve been giving grandpa over there a free pass because of some unspoken life experience that should lead to life smarts when in reality that fact makes it worse.

Age does not equal wisdom!

The 24yr old doesn’t know any better and he should feel free to act like, well a 24 year old. There is still hope that the 24 yr old will get all of that out of his system and become a grown man but the 40+ guy who still tries to get away with the behavior is pretty much a lost cause. So now I look at all of those crushes or attractive potential suitors and I actually feel a bit sad for them. Well that and realizing how skeevy they are causes my skin to start crawling as I type this.

While that could be a genuine physical reaction to this epiphany it also could be the 3rd cup of coffee that is coursing through my veins.

Either way, my highly caffeinated eyes are wide open to the mistakes and poor judgments of my past and it’s time to say farewell to the lost boys. We had some great times together, but at my age, I’ve outgrown you.

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