Archive for January, 2011

Nice Girls May Not Start First They Sure Do Finish First
January 5, 2011

 This is a trend that I’ve seen grow more common as I age and as those guy friends around me start thinking about finding that future love of their life.

A lot of my guy friends who have been goofing around and really enjoying their unattached existence suddenly decide to settle down. For most a long term relationship was 6 months and few even cared to attempt to reach that milestone. Initially, their requirements were good rack and/or butt and a pulse. Not going home with them the first night sometimes would push their interest for a week of intrigue but after that if they weren’t getting laid they would move on cause why bother. Now the guy still wants the great rack and/or butt however now he wants that rack to be covered up with a cute cardigan set. He’s looking for someone that resembles his mother (sad but true all boys have mommy issues) in regards to being nurturing and sensitive.

I’ve had several flip the switch in the past year and the dramatic contrast in their behavior and the women they end up with is perplexing. They’ll still chat a gal up, make out at the bar and go home with them later, however that girl is immediately thrown into the “not marriage material” pile. In fact some have even gone as far as saying that any girl they meet at a bar goes into that pile because for whatever reason the right girl couldn’t possibly spend her evenings at a bar. Now the majority of their hunting takes place at the local coffeehouse, grocery shopping, or at the gym. All drinking is not forbidden because a “meet cute” at a house party where the lady is a friend of a friend is still acceptable. It’s not about finding a girl to have fun with its about finding the potential mother of your children.

This throws women off and is incredibly confusing and frustrating to boot. Without any notice, the usual tactics are reversed. A girl sees a cute guy at the bar and chats him up. Works her magic between the sheets and now is out of the running for that mans affection and attention. The great conversation and funny banter is tossed aside and forgotten because now the guy has decided he doesn’t want the girl who would even consider going home with a guy after the initial meeting. Granted, he won’t turn her down, he’ll still go home with her and pretend to think about calling but any progress the girl thinks she made is futile.

So the question is which guys are still in fun dating mode and which are on the hunt for the Mrs. If you are still in the fun mode then this distinction doesn’t really matter. Either way you get to have a fun time and the gamble of a future fun time still exists. Maybe he’ll call, maybe he won’t and that’s the way it works. However, if you are thinking about settling down yourself you are in for a very interesting and counter intuitive ride. You now have to say no to sex. You have to put yourself into a self induced dry spell. This is the argument that brings so many of my female friends to my door. He isn’t suffering a dry spell so why should I?. I wish I could say that there is a loophole so you can have a little snuggle time but unfortunately if you seriously want that “I do” its going to take a bit of sacrifice. Sorry ladies, but this is one of those life isn’t fair situations. You can get angry and say “I don’t want to play that game” but the thing is; the game is being played if you want to participate or not. Your choice to sit on the sidelines will not inhibit his ability to find some sweet and adorable creature. It’s at this point in a man’s life where they want the secretly slutty librarian. A pencil skirt and sweater set become super sexy and if you are officially snagged into a serious relationship (this is more than 3 dates kids) at home you can still be a tigress. If not, you get to play the tease card by hinting that you have remarkable skills in the bedroom (or in the hot tub, or on the floor, or on the kitchen counter, I digress) but only gentleman that are worthy get to experience it. A girl who goes home with him the first night conceivably has gone home with other men on the first night and that just won’t do now that he’s looking for “the one”.

So ladies, if you are getting upset that the sweet and innocent little bambi types keep getting the ring while you are only getting rings at 3AM it’s time to reevaluate your gameplan. Keep playing by the rules you learned in high school or college and you’ll be left in the dust. It’s not a fluke that guy x or guy y ended up with the nice gals and the longer you fight it the more angry you will be when your former flings keep popping the question to someone else.