Former Flames

Whether they were your high school sweetheart, or someone you remember from playschool there are always certain people that no matter how much time has passed give you those butterflies. But what happens when they make a cameo in your new and improved existence. For some odd reason we always feel the need to be our most impressive self. A slight competition of who has progressed and become more fabulous than the other. In a perfect world you would be thinner, have the perfect hair day and be sleeping with Brad Pitt. This never seems to work out but for whatever the reason we strive for it just the same. Its at these moments when we put the harshest light on ourselves for some reason, even though the majority of the time the person you’re trying to impress, could care less.

The most interesting situation is when you are both single. Do you fall back in to that former sex pattern for old times sake? If you’re lucky then he’s just in town for a random event and there’s no pressure either way. If you see him and decide to take the plunge, there’s no morning after worry-fest of where the relationship is going and if in fact you two even still have anything in common beside your home town. If it’s someone who might be coming into town on a more frequent basis then things tend to get stickier.  Is this a “Lay-over buddy” just in town for a bit and if you’re not busy with someone more desirable than you make the time for him? The flip side puts you into basically a long distance relationship. Sure he’s with you once or maybe twice a month but the majority of this relationship will take place over phone or e-mail. Some people can handle this type of bonding. I on the other hand feel completely unfulfilled. I’m sure that they’re cheating and in truth I probably end up cheating myself so really it’s lose lose.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Unfortunately even before you get to have fun you get to have the awkward as ass first re-meeting. Inevitably the words “Ohh my god it’s been forever” will no doubt escape your lips upon entry which I think is redundant but for whatever reason I can’t help but saying it myself. Then you get to catch up which can be a bit unusual because he’s not going to know any of the people or places that you are referencing and vice versa. At this point you guys find other things to discuss or you revert back to “the good old days” and reminisce about your high school and any common bond that still exists. As in any uncomfortable situation, I highly recommend some alcohol to be present. Perhaps even a third wheel so the two of you can bond over sharing these stories with that third person. If the third is your friend then buying her some sort of treat for tagging along is customary since chances are she’s going to have to sit there for several hours hearing stories that she’s already heard years ago but pretending they’re brand new. One thing that I think is just completely rude is to bring your significant other to the meeting, especially if your long past friend is single. Inevitably the single person has to sit there all uncomfortable and feign interest in how the adorable couple met while trying to contain an overactive gag reflex. In those situations having a back up plan is essential. The good old “something bad happened” call from an anonymous friend.

Why do these former flames always seem to be more romantic? I think more than anything it’s a fantasy of a lot of girls to have that “great story” of how you became a couple. Former flames are the most realistic possibilities for this to work out for you in the end; unless you have a tendency of getting trapped in burning buildings or something equally dramatic. To be able to say to someone “ohh we actually dated in high school and then found each other again” gives that awe inspiring feeling that there is such a thing as fate. That this person came back into your life for a greater purpose. “If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you then you know its meant to be forever” unfortunately this phrase also tends to get applied to girls who have had boyfriends break up with them and then come crawling back once they realize how good they had it.